The Words That Makes You...And Breaks You: Poetry And Thoughts Bind Together
The optimist insists that we live in the best of worlds, the pessimist fears that he is right.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
A lost poet...
My girlfriend broke up with me three months ago. She was the first person I have ever truly been in love with. I still haven't come to peace with myself over our breakup. There are many times I think about, what I haven't done. I think about the future and what I will become. Will you be a part of it? A lost poet.. intoxicated by this world of hatred. My tears shed. What about the years to come and the next generation of human slaughter? Will the sun shine shorter? And the following question "what will happen to our sons and daughters"? Where's our Messiah, will God retire? Be tired of this whole world entire. It goes back to Mariah. The future is like cancer, We hope it will be good but we don’t know the answer. I wrote this a few days ago after sitting down and thinking about life in general and why we go through the hardships that we do. I realized everybody, or almost everybody loses some one they love and you learn to live with it.
Have you had cold showers of pain My friend, you've stood in my rain Deathly feeling of loneliness No need to feel shameless I've been there before Not wanting to feel any more Your hearts been broken in half Mind still living in the past Cold dark thoughts of suicide Why don't I do it tonight Don't worry it will go away Learn to love another day Put it in the back of mind Let it rest and you will find Dark clouds begin to part New love will mend the heart Thoughts of suicide disappear Self- esteem will reappear One day you'll be able to say My friend you've stood in my rain
Have a good one will you. I know I will. This time of the year again, everything is happening so fast. In just one week it will be New Years. Last year(2006) started of nicely but doesn’t look like a nice end. But I know that next year will be a great year. So talking this experience with me for next year lessons I know next year can't be worse than this one. What’s so great about this time of the year? For me its the entire family at one place celebrating, I dont know.. Jesus birth or the fact that the entire family is together? I'll go for the last one:) So to everyone out there(that actually celebrate X-Mas) have a great one!
You changed my face, I think I like it better now It doesn't matter anyhow, because that's the way it is I may never be the same again
I made my bed, but now I can't sleep at night I'm tossin and turnin you know, you know it ain't right I'd love to beg, see, but I'm just too proud And I don't even know what to say, so I'm thinking out loud
I lie in my bed, you're running through my head Going over and over and over, the things that you said I'm caught in the trap, I'll run like hell right back to you Because I'm sober with you and you know it beats drinking alone
Har Suttit och tänkt länge nu på uttrycket.. "kärleken är blind". Den är fan inte blind, den är... mera.. schizofren. Ja där har vi det, kärleken är schizofren. Varför?
Å ena sidan vet man i sig själv.. jag gillar såna och såna, dom passar mig. Personligen föredrar jag blonda, heta, med en underbar personlighet och som är sådär självsäkra men inte kaxiga. Ändå händer det allt som oftast att man faller för en brunett som är .. hmm osäker på sig själv? haha.
Hur många tjejer vill inte ha en kille som är ärlig, trogen, söt, .. men deras största kärlek visar sig vara en oärlig, otrogen kille med massor av problem sen barndomen? Är det mystiken hos killen de faller för eller spänningen och rädslan för att sluta som alla "andra"? Att vara en mönstertjej i en villa med Volvo och 2 barn, leva så resten av sitt liv.. det är en mardröm för många, hur konstigt det än må låta.
Dessa tendenser visar sig ju redan när man är liten, även om man kanske inte vet så mycket om kärlek då. Men tror ni håller med om att de som först rökte, de som först drack, skolkade, slogs osv.. det va ju DOM som va dom coola och hur mycket man än skäms över det idag, så va det ju vi som hade tjejerna.. även om man egentligen borde vara losern som inte fick något i en politiskt korrekt värld.
De andra skötsamma killarna, som pluggade, inte festade lika mycket, drack eller snusade/rökte inte.. vilka fick dom? Bara de tjejerna som vi inte ville ha, om ens dom. Dom va mera vandrande skuggor.. man kunde gå på samma skola 3 år med dom, och efter 3 år fortfarande undra.. gick vi på samma skola? Jag har nog inte sett dig. Vårt beteende va väl mera hellre synas som ett svin än att vara ett vandrande spöke, vilket passade innetjejerna alldeles perfekt.
Sen när har vi människor vetat vad fan vi vill? Vi har ju ingen aning. Kärleken är "sån" och "sån".. uttrycket är ju skapat av människor som dom också inte har en aning om vad dom vill, så hur ska dom förklara för oss att kärleken är blind? Säg mig, NÄR är kärleken blind? När träffar en kille en tjej ... han skiter i hennes utseende, i hennes pengar, i hennes status, i hennes tidigare förhållanden, hur många killar hon haft sex med, i att hennes mamma är alkis osv.. NÄR? Senast va nog 1727?
Så när vi väl faller för någon och jämför den med "den perfekta för mig", vad händer då? Det ända vi vet är vi älskar personen men hur ska det sluta när alla bitar inte passar inn i den bild vi har skapat för oss själva av definitionen "perfekt för mig"? Jag säger mera att ALLTID, ALLTID faller vi för någon attribut, och ibland till och med för något vi aldrig trodde vi skulle gilla hos den andre. Vi människor får nog kamma skägget, sätta oss ner och bara inse vissheten om att vi inte har den blekaste aning om vilka vi faller för och varför vi faller för dessa personer.
Så kärleken kanske inte är schizofren.. kanske är vi människor schizofrena allihop och kärleken är ... efterbliven?
Du ville vara som en fågel, men dina vingar var av glas. Du ville vara som havet, men ditt vatten torkade ut. Du ville vara som Julia, men Romeo var för bra. Du ville... du visste vad du ville till slut.
Han ville älska dig evigt och laga dina vingar. Han ville fylla ditt vatten och göra dig fri. Han ville älska dig och förvandla månen till jättelika hjärtan. Han ville... han vill fortfarande leva i ert paradis.
I don't believe in luck, we ourselves make our future. All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. But we can’t pursue those dreams if you don’t believe in yourself. We share the same dreams, believe it or not.
Its not the most easy thing to do. Though I still wish good things for you. I wish for tomorrow to be an awesome day, yes yes I want it that way. A part of me want you, Celebrating this sweet opportunity I received. Still there is a part of me that is dark a part that cant confined in you. Will I try letting you in after these 2,5month of mind games. Will that clouded part heal? I got my own back covered, I'm telling myself every day. I'm such a fool worrying like I do. I know its though, and I don't need to worry that much. FUCK THIS! Everything will be fine. Yes it will, what a wonderful thought. I will be fine. How do I let go when I love you so? Someone save me please, I need to get out of this rain!!
For the most part its been a good day so far. Even I was extremely tired after last night adventure and I had to work this morning. At work I get this idea to clean up all crappy music so I load up all my singles in Winamp once at home. After a while this song comes along:
Ricky Nelson - I Will Follow You
I will follow you Follow you wherever you may go There isn't an ocean too deep A mountain so high it can keep me away
I must follow you Ever since you touched my hand I know The near you I always must be And nothing can keep you from me You are my destiny
I love you, I love you, I love you And where you go I'll follow, I'll follow, I'll follow You'll always be my true love, my true love, my true love From now until forever, forever, forever
I will follow you Follow you wherever you may go There isn't an ocean too deep A mountain so high it can keep Keep me away, away from my love
I love you, I love you, I love you And where you go I'll follow, I'll follow, I'll follow You'll always be my true love, my true love, my true love From now until forever, forever, forever
I will follow you Follow you wherever you may go There isn't an ocean too deep A mountain so high it can keep keep me away, away from my love
And where you go I'll follow
Our song... My eyes couldn't keep away the tears. I haven't cried for days and I finally thought I was moving on. When this song played I remember that day when we where at the beach on our first trip together. I just bought us a sandwich and when I came back you sang this song, No the complete version but the "I love you, I love you, I love you ... forever, forever, forever." part. I remember so clearly how you smiled while doing it. Hopefully all these memory's will stop appearing and I can get back to being me. I keep telling myself you are not irreplaceable and I will find someone else who treats me the way I deserve. Loving me and not doubting what that feeling is. That’s what I want. You might think, “then we weren’t meant to be”. But this is the destiny you picked for us and I’m playing a long.
All you can do in life is play along and hope it gets right. I just want a normal life This one is the hardest to fake My love for you is at stake. I wish that you one day feel the same And somehow we will forget about all this doubt. I hope we can rebuild everything we had. For now, that would make me un-sad A average life with you by my side, That would be an awesome parade.
There is something in the way, You not wanting me to stay.
They call for my new job today, Told me everything is in order. Come in Monday And we will sign the papers. Sadly to say, I’m still not complete, Like there’s something missing. I know what’s missing and that’s you. I can’t blame you for the feelings you have, Looking at the answers I have Just makes me feel sad.
Getting my stuff and being that cold Is not something I will regret when I get old. You want me this cold and numb, Not to know what’s going on. You ask me all the time if I’m angry. I’m not, trust me I’m not. I just can’t be like that when I’m around, That’s what you want remember? Not having me as your boyfriend. That will make you happy in the end.
You did the right thing leaving me, My anger and hate I have inside Is the same emotions you have about us You follow the breakup, Me following my hatred. Will this make us happy in the end? I guess, why else would we be a part?
Perhaps one day we can erase it all. But for now this is the right thing to do There’s no other way out.
My life is a rollercoaster without breaks Hoping I will fall to the ground Like a bunch of snow flakes crushing down. Disappearing when hitting the ground Not wanting to be found. All you can se in my eyes now is hate This will be my straight.
We ended it in a good way, on that dark rainy day. I know you got problems to resolve, Your fear for the future, Might be what killed us all. I feel sorry for you, you lost the greatest thing in your life. One day you will look back on this ask why, why did I let this love die. Your ego got to big, To the future you started to dig. Looking for things to make all this wrong, you are ruin our song. I told you... I believed in you and knew we would do just fine. Knowing you would shine. Your mother told you if something doesn’t feel delight, then leave because its not right. Trusting in love wasn’t something to do, Knowing I would do anything except hurting you.
I'm a believer myself, confiding in love like its the only proper thing to do. My dislike for you is something I can control, If I didn’t I wouldn’t be whole. You left without a real fight, to make things right. That’s your way, but I can't stay. Once you "find yourself", You will find your glory in gray. I’ve been there, in your rain of pain. I was your shoulder to lean one when things got though, I was there when your friends couldn’t show up. I was there always, just a phone call away. Knowing I would stay. Our love is still strong, but we are both moving on. I know I will make it without you. My words are starting to fade, Like a cut of a razor blade. It hurts like hell to let you go, but I want myself to glow. One day we will know, Will this be our show?
Vi båda saknade kärlek Vi var ensamma i någonting nytt Med ett förflutet från vilket vi båda hade fått flytt Jag hade sytt igen dom sår, Med tidens tråd och nål. Tog det dag för dag, satt inte upp några mål Jag hade färdats med vinden som visat vägen för året Jag tog mej över dom hindrar vars fingrar strök mej i håret Som var så nära... Så nära att dra mej inn åt mot väggen Var då jag fortsatte kämpa Och tog mej ut genom regnet Och stod där ensam. Långt ifrån en famn som kunde ge mej den närhet Som bara kärleken kan Men jag hann inte långt förens jag såg dina ögon Som var så oskyldigt vackra och satt mitt inre i lågor Och de frågor ställde mitt hjärta Jag ville verkligen veta, Vad kan en änglalik skapelse varelse kunna heta? Du leta kärlek i nån jag vet jag gjorde det samma Det var därför vi ensamma kunde dras till varandra
Allt vi såg var så vackert Och allting runt oss var förtrollad av lycka Begravde sorger i kärlek Bland all den glädje vi smyckat Med all den värme Som värmde oss när vintern stod där vid tröskeln Omtänksamheten i rösten, Förälskelsen fanns i brösten. Som höstens färger komplitera vi den andre Hade samma syn på saker Du va kvinnan jag var mannen För den kärlek var vår kärlek fast än tiden var knapp Jag hade känt dej nått år när allting annat kom ikapp Och som ett rapp av en piska viska framtiden i örat Så vår tid var nästan över, det fanns ingenting att göra Så jag såg på dej Och du såg på mej Jag tog din hand och sa gumman Det kommer ordna sej Men båda visste att så inte var fallet Och så en dag stod vi där tysta Höll om varandra i hallen Och alla minnen vem vet, Vi kanske skulle ha blundat Och aldrig tagit kontakt men då för evigt fått undra Hur det skulle va att älska dej..
Vi hade nått fint du och jag Men du... Jag vet att jag klarar mej Att ta mej genom den här vågen För nu... Det känns som om all min längtan runnit ut Har brunnit ut Tagit slut Var är vår tid som jag nynnar på Vart finns dom minnen som jag tänker på så I den vardag där du inte finns längre Var är dom dofter som jag luktar på Var är dom känslor som berör mej så i dig I det liv jag lever utan nån nära. Du är en sån stor del av mitt hjärta, jag vill bara att du ska fatta. Men jag fattar vad du behöver, lite tid så kanske detta går över.
My whole world was sleeping And you where there You could just sense this feeling in the air Like my words weren’t good enough to define what we shared And my words weren’t strong enough to fix what happened here Can't tell the difference between false and truth Or what's necessary or where I should stand My whole world is different now and my heart have died No one can just sense this feeling in our eyes Like no one's hands are big enough To hold onto this fears And my hands aren’t strong enough to fix what happened here So what do we do now? You are searching for something that cannot be found Blinded and silent I can't understand The whole world is watching with one blank stare I can just sense this feeling of ill-repair Like your heart isn’t full enough To keep away this fear And your heart isn’t strong enough to fix what happened here Lead on to save me Lead us there Find me some answers It's time that you shared Can't tell the difference between false and truth Or what's necessary or where you stand So what do we tell now? Raise our voices loud We're searching for something that cannot be found I hear open mouths And I see open hands Like the blinded and silent I can't understand...
Until you crash Until you burn Until you lie Until you learn Until you see Until you believe Until you fight Until you fall Until the end of everything at all Until you die Until you’re alive Until you give Until you’ve used Until you’ve lost Until you lose Until you see, how could you believe? Until you’ve lived a thousand times Until you’ve seen the other side This is my chance Until the truth becomes a lie Until you change, until you deny Until you believe This is my chance I’ll take it now because I can This is my chance, I want it now Don’t save me, cuz I don’t care Until you care don't save me...
You keep pushing me away In spite of what you say I've been wasting all my time Trying to make you smile Trying to make this seem worth... While you've been pushing me around In spite of what I do Trying to make things good for you... Take your psycho little head Take it all away You've been racing through my mind You're picking up in speed You're driving recklessly It's like a car crash happening on my street Broken souls at my feet And sirens on the way They're too late 'Cause nobody's going to save us We're a lost couple's dream We're burning gasoline So take it all away And go... Go ahead and destroy this Are you feeling okay baby?
We went so far We flew so high Now it's not easy To watch it die To just let go And not ask the reason why It won't matter anymore It's not my style It's not my way To see the future In shades of grey Though I still can't bring myself to say That you don't matter anymore It only hurts I am only down on the floor Where I have been before And I'll be here again Though it hurts to lose you It's only pain
Softly we tremble tonight, picture perfect fading smiles are all that's left in site, I said I'd never leave you. You are willing to risk it all. With tears in my eyes I’m ready to fall. I'm not satisfied with where I'm at in life. Am I supposed to be happy? All I ever wanted comes with a price. A price I can't afford, I'm sorry my angle. I made plans for us to grow old, Believe me there was truth in all those stories that I told. Lost in a game where we are destined to lose, Are we the same people as before this came to light? Love is a hard thing to measure, All I ever wanted was for us to be happy. Today something huge happened and I wanted to share, I know you would have cared. Telling me how good I am, making my smile even bigger. But here I'm, alone... Not having someone for the sharing and caring. I'm not happy on my own, I hate not having you around. We walk different roads, side by side so far be twin. You left the one that cares for you the most in this world, your very best friend and lover. Though your world is changing, I will be the same. We are to young to reason. Walking alone you will, I won't be in the way any more. Your face to mine, I can se you are crying inside. I know you want me, I know you need me, I know you love me, I know you want to make me happy, I know everything about you, I know you better than you know yourself. I know that you know that I know. I know one day you want me back, to be there for you hold you tight as we make peace with the past. What price am I willing to pay? I know I would want to forget about everything, let you in forever. Make everything shine like before. But the damage is done, this pain is real, we are destined to fail. I would never leave you, but you gave me no choice. The feeling of losing you I can compare to the lost of my grandfather and grandmother a few years back. The feelings I have now are the same, How will life be without my guardian angel?
Kollade precis igenom alla mina sms jag fått av dig. "Gonatt min fine! Sov så gott. Kramar å puss" Fan vad jag saknar sånna medelande. Saknar o vara din fine *snyftar* En månad sen bara och nu e vi här :( Vad hände liksom? Fattar fan inte. Bästa jag går o lägger mig innan jag börjar tänka.
En dag utan att tänka på dig hade känts som en vecka ledigt. Fan vad jag behöver en veckas ledighet.
Name: Andreas Home: Skåne, Sweden About Me: Andreas Zetterqvist, 26 years old, hetrosexual. Three passions are present in my life: music, writing and my gf. Music represents the essence of my being, writing represent the expression of my soul, my gf keeps me sane. Laughter keeps my heart light and intact. Thinking keeps my juices flowing. Friends mean the world to me. But trust is something I give to selected few. No one has 100% of my trust. Very few have something close to it. I don't look like a supermodel.
And I'm fine with that now at this time of my life because
in my own way, I have a beauty that surpasses all these so-called beautiful people. And I'm not being cocky, just showing some much needed confidence. I have a major in network technology, but confined my future with sales. I'm a poet for a few years. I like to think I'm a lot of different things. But for sure I'm a good boy with class, who's a sweetheart and down to earth. But God bless you if you mess with me because I'm a force
to be reckoned with. I think birthdays and holidays are special and I think writing is the best way of therapy. I'm honest because I've spent too many years hiding. So if you want to get to know me better, just ask. Or read on. Visitors: See my complete profile
There are many races in life but in the end the only race is with yourself. Everyone's choice begins with a dream, because with dreams everything is possible.
